Happy Friday Everyone,
So, I leaned heavily this week on The Green Knight to examine the question posed to me that I extended to you, “what are the ripple effects of not being yourself?”
But I didn’t examine the question in relation to myself, at least not in public. So here is a bit of self reflection.
I’m finding that the ripple effects of not being myself in compound as they crash against the boundary walls and thresholds between myself and the entities external to me; entities in this case being everything from other people to organizations, systems, ways of viewing and thinking, and everything unseen in between.
Have you heard of of the Barabar Hill Caves in India?
They are quite fascinating for a few reasons, but the one I’m highlighting here is the acoustic phenomenon created by the extremely high polishing of the granite walls.
The smoothness is polished to such a degree that it reflects sound in manner that it becomes difficult to actually hold a conversation in the chamber; there is too much compression of the sound waves emanated between people to easily discern what is being said after a few seconds.
I can imagine this as a metaphor for how inauthenticity compounds; we keep projecting out into the world what we want others to perceive, but are limited by our own understanding of how we relate to it, which in turn reflects our projections back onto ourselves. This is a practice as old as time, and it shows up in everything from cautionary fables to worldwide franchises such as Star Wars.
We must become comfortable with sitting in the silence of self. We must hold a conversation with ourselves, and what we project out into the world, because it will always reverberate back, the frequency either healing or harmful.
Inauthenticity requires just as much work as authenticity, but it does not give back what is sacrificed.
Inauthenticity asks us to have faith that removing ownership and connection of self to others will sustain us.
But faith requires no evidence, and when was the last time you heard someone say “faith is earned?”
You haven’t, it’s always trust that is earned.
Trust. You require it of others, why not yourself?
That is how you build authenticity.
That is how Gawain, you, and I can defeat imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and performative bullshit.
Earn your own trust, and steward the ripples in such a way that they flow together rather than crash.
So, what is my answer to the question?
The ripple effect of not being myself is the compounding erosion of trust in myself, requiring validation of my strengths, capabilities, and value to be determined not by myself, but others.
Have I made mistakes? Absolutely. Do I have regrets? Yes.
But for each one, I have an equivalent number of times I have gotten back up and kept moving.
I have a lifetime of tenacity as evidence.
I don’t need to have faith in myself because I can trust in myself.
Because I can trust in myself, I can trust in others.
Step by step, opportunity on opportunity, each moment is a chance to examine how you relate to yourself and the entities around you, whether human or systemic.
To learn
To trust, and earn trust.
To lead.
With the answering of my question, let us revisit the dialogue from the The Green Knight
GK: “Sir, you flinch. Did I show signs of fear when our positions were reversed?”
G: “I’m not so confident as thee.”
GK: “You have had a year to find courage”
G: “One year or a hundred, it wouldn’t make difference”
G: “Give me a moment”
GK: “Are you ready? Are you ready?”
G: “Yes”
GK: “Then I shall get to hacking”
G: “Wait, wait! Is this, really all there is? Is this …”
GK: “What else aught there be?”
G: “No, no, I’m sorry, I cannot, I’m sorry!”
What do you flinch from when it comes to acting in accordance with your supposed values?
What do you allow to force your hand in casting them aside? And in those moments, how do you treat others in the same moments, when the position is reversed?
If you don’t feel you have the confidence to be an authentic leader, or an individual for that matter, what has shattered the trust in yourself?
What makes you think anyone is confident? Perhaps they are just more in tune with who they are, and stay aligned with that no matter what they face.
If faced with a dilemma, you might need a moment. We all do. But a second more will not change your heart on its own. You must take ownership of your role in building trust, in being authentic, and empowering the same in others. That is how you rebuild trust in yourself.
External forces will hack at you, always, and consistently. Some blows will be harder than others. Face them all with the same strength, the same trust, and the same authenticity, and you will not need to question whether the inevitable is all there is.
Because what else aught there be, besides the inevitable? It’s the one thing that undeniably connects everything.
Connect and trust with yourself, so you can navigate the world authentically; build real connections with those in your life so that you aren’t alone. When you let yourself be isolated through systemically engineered silos of conformity, what actually builds trust dies, because we are not the labels, key performance indicators, and myths we so easily identify with.
We are ever-changing ripples crashing and flowing together, making meaning as we go.
Until next time,
- Chris
PS:
In other news, thanks to this dive into cinematic storytelling and meaning-making, I’ve decided upon a name for Cultivar’s Chief Copy Writer: meet Gawain Ripplefilter.
I’m also excited and honored to share that I’ve been on another podcast (it was recorded quite a while back), NeuroSpicy Voices with Dr.
, founder of .She as always was an absolute joy to hang out and chat with, and we’ve been able to mutually support each other since meeting earlier this year, so definitely check out the episode as well as her other thoughts and works!
Seed Catalog:
In my exploration of systems thinking corporate animism, I’m looking far outside the usual content business and leadership arenas that coaches, consultants, and guides usually tread.
In addition to re-watching The Green Knight, I’ve been reading white papers and published works on animistic ontologies and indigenous knowledges, examining how they can be used as a lens on authenticity.
I’ve also continuing to watch interviews with intellectuals such as Bayo Akomolafe, Rune Rasmussen, and Tyson Yunkaporta, and discussing the sparks flying through my head with like-minded and interesting people such as
.If these concepts are something you’d like to explore as well, here are a few seeds you can plant to see what grows.
Contour Lines is my anecdotal newsletter segment that weaves personal musings from my life with my thoughts on leadership, as well as personal and organizational development.
If something resonates, leave a comment, or reach out to chat - I always love hearing people’s stories.
Want to chat about personal growth or walking a path of authentic leadership but aren’t sure were to start? You are always welcome to book a free call to either get fresh perspective or see if we’d work well together in cultivating your capacity to lead.
