Contour Lines | 003
Kizuna Sketches Project 003
Contour Lines is an evolution of an experiment in consistent and raw writing for ones self by the amazing Grace Nikae. When she started the experiment she asked if any other members of the Kizuna Studio wanted to join in. You can read more about how I and why I started Contour Lines here.
I didn't write on Friday as planned.
I was too busy re-aligning myself with my magnetic north.
I started to write yesterday, and realized I wanted to be present inside my body, calm and relaxed for the first time in years.
I wanted to let that alignment spread as far as it could throughout my ecosystem. So it was a family day.I'm thus typing this today as I sip on some lavender earl grey tea.
Enjoy.
I had forgotten who I was.
And I'm not alone in doing so. For me, it started when I stopped believing in my own legend and let it fade into an inauthentic myth.
Dr. Yannis Stivachtis, (a great mentor during my academic years), would always reiterate “what is the myth being told here?”
The context was always regarding security studies, politics, and history. But the more I incorporated the view into my thought process the more I saw the applicability to all things.
And I'd seen it before.
In the military we'd say “what's the situation? Alright cool, what's actually going on?”
And I've seen it since.
In the past nine months, a very dear community has continuously asked me to challenge the narratives I tell myself.
Friday, I embodied that sentiment echoed across my life.
I hiked a mountain, in both mind and body.
My legendary attitude I’d once had of “Fuck you, watch me” had faded over time.
I believed I was nothing more than broken pottery, even if repaired not as I once was,
I’d fallen so far from myself I was disgusted and ashamed of myself.
I believed in the myth of the broken man.
But that belief wasn’t a conviction. Because if I am broken, there is nothing more to me.
And that is simply not the case.
I have so much more in me, more than I even know at this moment.
My resiliency is the child of necessity, and as I well know, all parents will fuck up and traumatize their children in one way or another.
We need to be kind to our inner child - in my case, I need to be kind to my inner resiliency. Look how far it has got me. It is stronger than any shame or disgust fostered by trauma or society.
My ability to not only be resilient and make it through dark times but to grow in spite of it is legendary.
"Wow you've been through so much, it's amazing how good you are doing!"
"Like I should be broken?" I don't think so.
I alone hold the keys to my resiliency.
So I am responsible for the continued growth of myself, as I am now and as I was.
My conviction is that anyone can achieve anything they set their mind to.
I am part of the anyone.
So along with anyone who is attempting to truly align with all aspects of themselves and refuses to believe in easy explanations and absolutes.
I will walk with you hand in hand out of the myths and into our legends.
As always, thank you for reading!
-Chris