Contour Lines | 006
Kizuna Sketches Experiment 006 | Coffee and Nectarines
Contour Lines is an evolution of an experiment in consistent and raw writing for ones self by the amazing Grace Nikae. When she started the experiment she asked if any other members of the Kizuna Studio wanted to join in. You can read more about how I and why I started Contour Lines here.
Coffee and Nectarines
The bittersweet interplay
black coffee and nectarines
comforting yet fresh
The coffee shines even darker
The mind ever sharper
Sweetness lingers.
I’m writing this from my porch, and while it is intended to be a sketch, it’s a bit longer today/different vibe as I’m in a transitory, contemplative, and preparatory state.
Surrounded by songbirds, turkeys, and ravens all warbling and croaking, it seems I’m not the only one who has a lot to say.
This time of year has the best nectarines in Floyd County, and you can only get them at Wade's Orchards, owned and operated by the Wades for almost 50 years (technically it's just over the county line).
My family always goes down there each summer to get a bushel and then divides it up, though in recent years as the family has died off we don’t buy the same amount. And I did not get enough. This year I only got a quarter peck (around 4 lbs).
Today, I’m eating the last of my nectarines.
The past week has been one of both memory and the future.
I feel a sense of calm amongst my soul that I haven’t felt in many many years, but the interesting thing is that trepidation that still remains.
Fear and comfortability coexist in my heart and yet through it, I remain calm and move through the discomfort as though I’m swimming.
Words then, appear to be my water.
In the space of two weeks I have gone from having a hard time regulating my emotions and reactions to this place of calm through two things:
Writing, and climbing a mountain. Not for a project or a deadline or to prove anything. For myself.
I’m wondering what changed inside, because the world certainly didn’t. Maybe I did, but it feels like a return to who I once was or who I always have been, a feeling that I have only captured a few times in my life.
So is it change, or just a return?
If you have watched the HBO show True Detective season one you will no doubt be familiar with the quote “time is a flat circle.”
And in this moment that's what it feels I'm experiencing, though not in a depressive, nihlistic way.
I have always been the same person. I have always been me. I just didn’t want to look in the mirror because I only saw my faults.
I have been through this process of stepping into myself before.
No doubt I will step out of it again.
But I now make the process who I am, versus the destination.
In looking at my whole self as an ongoing process of growth, it is both melancholy and peaceful. It is invigorating.
The realization that one does not have to have constant joy and peace as long as you have a constant sense of self-worth and love halts the advent of depression.
In light of these past few weeks, I have exciting news friends. I’m starting a full newsletter.
I’m hoping by next week, as I have a few admin things to take care of but the first week of August at the latest.
And I'll be stepping it up too.
I'll have my personal sketches, of course (will rename them something different), but I will also be doing a weekly longer form that is a mix of personal and professional to talk about some lesson I’ve learned that week or wish to discuss.
One to two times per month, I'll be doing a longer form, researched discussion paper on some aspect of leadership or organizational culture, combining academic, professional, media and other sources for my analysis.
Some content will be free, some not, but I'll figure that out later.
Thank you so much for all your support thus far, it means the world.
Until next time,
-Chris