I’ll be honest, I was going to just write a few short paragraphs updating you on how I’m doing with my goals I set in the last newsletter. But it was a rough day, and as I typed, I realized I had something I needed to get off of my chest.
This article is for me, for you, and for my son.
Contour Lines is my more personal and anecdotal newsletter segment, for a more structured exploration of leadership and culture topics, check out my Compass Points segments.1
"I Know You, Your Past, Your Future."
I find myself out of sorts at the end of today, to put it mildly.
The day wasn't bad, just things didn't line up to be as productive as I wanted it to be, I got angry over it, and wasn't able to relax or take my mind off of things as the evening went on.
I did manage to do some work towards my goals I stated in Contour Line 021, identified some good workshop topics (I'm working on narrowing them down now), did some reflection on my service offerings, and managed to do a small bit of engagement on a few different platforms.
It was during self-reflection things started to get frustrating. The day was beautiful, with sun, wind, and clouds playing on the grass; but the wifi at the park I decided to work out of today was down, so I was sent back to the early 2000s and had to write offline. The inability to distract myself from myself through checking social media or reading articles, being forced to sit through uncomfortability got to me.
I've been trying to identify what it was that had started me on the journey of becoming a leadership guide, what has made me good at what I do, and where my drive to empower others came from.
As the answer became clear, an incensed rage at everyone who had failed me throughout my life rose up my spine and into my heart; and then I began to project that rage onto myself. I wouldn't recommend that course of action, it leads to giving way more attention to things you can't control than they rightfully deserve.
But the truth is, just as I was failed, I continue to fail myself and others. Similar to the youth of today, my generation wasn't failed individually by one person here, or there. We fail ourselves through cycles of actions taken and not taken. Sometimes it is what we choose to ignore or not do, that has the longest lasting impact on our livelihood and well-being. Our past becomes our future.
I think many millennial children such as myself, and Global War on Terror veterans (me again) were failed by an increasingly disintegrated sense of community. And when I spoke to the 18-31 year olds I canvassed for workshop topics, it took me a few days of thinking to see just how much worse that isolation has become.
I have been fighting my demons and the world for nearly two-thirds of my life. But I remember when I could take a pause and recalibrate easily; those days seem relegated to a bygone era, when all that was needed was to load up HALO 3, or maybe read a book I checked out of the high school library.
I find it ironic that a fond memory of relaxation stems from a video game with a solitary, faceless protagonist who is ripped away from his family as a child and raised to be a tool of war, stripped of traditional community, with the only constant companion to be an artificial intelligence, Cortana.
Cortana served as the namesake of Microsoft's virtual assistant till it was finally retired in 2023; in light of the concerns on AI's integration into our life and work spaces I think it is of equal importance to note that while the character of Master Chief can teach us the lessons of hope, trust, resilience, and service, he also shows the cost of attempting to create or become leaders absent community and human connection: loneliness, removal of individuality, and emotional suppression.
But it's not Master Chief, who serves to protect humanity, that's the name of this article, but the ship that carries him into the unknown at the end of the game: the UNSC Forward Unto Dawn. At the end of the game the ship, similar to the protagonist, is half-destroyed and adrift, but not defeated.
Our future leaders have been fighting their entire life - one I spoke with doesn’t even remember the 2008 market crash, and has just lived through the aftereffects and follow-on crises. I remember when I could see the light of a new day because I had seen the light of the previous, and knew the darkness was temporary.
Some of the younger people I talked in the past week to view their world as though its the dark side of the moon, because if they if they life their head of out distraction it is still a world of shadows for them. Yet many of them still choose to fight, to look for a dawn that for some of them seems mythical.
And they do not need to be told how we used to look for it, because many of us mourn the loss of it instead of moving toward a new horizon. But what we all need, is honesty, authentic connection and meaningful support.
It's the little actions over and over, that determine how easily we get through the day. I could choose to not speak up about what I'm struggling with as a father, entrepreneur, writer, as a human, out of fear of being judged or seen as weak. I've certainly take that path before, it feels "safer". But safety is also a lie, an illusion, particularly when feeling alone.
The only people that empowered me when I was younger were the ones that were humble enough to tell me what they had sacrificed or lost to get to where they were, the struggles they still faced, and consistently and repeatedly reached out a hand to bring me forward with them to continue the fight. It's the ones that showed me how to play the game by example, whether that be HALO 3, the military, my careers, or marriage.
In writing this, I'm ceasing the projection of my rage onto myself and accepting my role in its creation. The courage to lead, to set an attainable example for others to follow, is not found by standing at an overlook at the top of the mountain, acting as though you didn’t get winded on the climb and know the best path. It is a commitment to show up every day and face your fears, address your weaknesses, and to do so without shame in public.
You cannot expect those who come after us to believe they have a chance if we continue to present an illusion of climbing the mountain on the first try with no issues.
We allow ourselves to be isolated from one another and ourselves out of fear, and if we continue to choose to be guided by it not only will we fail to finish our part in the fight, but the people we need to lead and empower to lead will have an even worse chance than they do now, something they do not deserve.
That is the way the world ends, by choosing to take the same actions and inaction as before.
So take my hand, and I'll take yours. The fight will never be over, but we can still walk together toward the horizon.
Forward Unto Dawn
Article thumbnail picture retrieved from: https://gamerant.com/cortana-halo-windows-phone-8-siri-release-date-details/