The Authenticity Crisis
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I think it's time to re-frame what's considered a "mid-life" crisis, and rename it an "authenticity crisis."
Earlier this year I was reading HBR's reprint of Clayton Christensen's article and book How Will You Measure Your Life? It's a good article, I'd argue geared towards people in the middle to latter half of their career who have the time and agency to think on this type of question (versus being so tired, busy, and burnout to do anything but distract themselves to disassociate from work life. The point of the article tells us that in the long term, relationships and impact will leave us feeling more fulfilled than any amount of money will.
It's that point on relationships I think is worth teasing out. Relationships are strengthened or weakened by the depth of connection of understanding we have of ourselves in concert with others doing the same, and the world around us. Often though, we just pay attention and play the game of life according to how the world and others understand us, and don’t bring our self-conception into play.
In the workshop I held recently on challenging assumptions to become a more authentic leader, the underlying current behind many of the questions in the Q&A to me seemed to stem from fear in one way or another.1 Fear of how we are perceived, fear of not being enough, fear of failure, fear of not fulfilling our dreams and potential; Common issues usually addressed by mid-life crisis folks looking for meaning.
Most of the attendee's however, were not anywhere near "mid-life", instead in their mid 20s through mid 30s, but still grappling with some of the problems raised in Christensen's article, namely "keep[ing] the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.”2
Remembering who you were or who you wanted to be is powerful as a purpose and personal meaning-maker, but memory can both fuel and drain us. In regards to how we choose to spend our time cultivating connection, it often seems as though acceptance of limitations or changes in what we want comes with the price of grief. The grief of no longer being who you were, and being unsure of who you are now. It's a disconnection of self framed by how we think the world sees us.
What if the sudden need to discover oneself, break free of the chains constricting us, and escape what we've been doing wasn't ever a chronological crisis but one of authenticity, metastasized over time via a lack of connection to our true self, exacerbated by the length of time we go before confronting our assumptions of what it takes to be successful and what it takes to be happy?
That would certainly explain why successive generations get burnt out faster, and Gen Z and A are putting their foot down about how they want to work and be treated by their leaders. They are more in tune with their reality and their authentic selves than Boomers, Gen X, and Millennials have been for decades. Scaled from the personal to the cultural perspective, it’s fair to say we have gone far too long without challenging our assumptions on how to move forward, and it’s up to leaders to chart a new path forward.
It would be dishonest of me to suggest that being our authentic self, with no separation between who we are personally and professionally is easy, accepted, or not just as exhausting as maintaining a facade.
But in terms of which path to choose, I know which one I’ve chosen, and I think it's worth it.
If you are trying to figure out what path to take moving forward as an authentic leader and need someone to walk beside or guide you, book a free call.
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Works Referenced
Clayton M. Christensen, “How Will You Measure Your Life?,” Harvard Business Review, July 1, 2010, https://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life.